Friday, November 11, 2005

"I Can't Live Without...."
Recently I read an article about an artist who likes to make lists of things she can't live without. On her list at the time were hot water, heat and epidurals. This made me smile...a gal I can relate to. Unlike my friend "M" who squeezed out a 7+ pound person recently with the aid of two popsicles and a hot shower. How can this be?? When I was squeezing out my first live person, I distinctly remember deciding I could spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair if need be, just shoot that pain med into my spine NOW, damnit...if the anesthesiologist's aim is bad, and my spinal chord gets severed, well at least I'll be alive, in contrast to having much more of this labor pain (at all of 4 cm) which will surely kill me. My question is why, WHY?, do I think that "M" did it better than me, cuz all she needed was an ice cream truck to drive by a couple times?? Why must I always compare myself, and come up short? I'm afraid i do the reverse as well, which is really ugly. Either way, I lose. OMG, that's the point, isn't it??? When we compare, WE LOSE. So simple, so obvious, so hard---evidently I'm a lame-o (though not in a wheelchair---thanks for the steady hand, Doc) for not being able to "get this" and get over it, sooner, unlike the rest of you who probably got it centuries ago, right? I thought so.

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