My Manuscript

Recently I had a friend encourage me to write a book. So I did. The manuscript follows:



"Miss-Middle-Aged"


"Once upon a time there was a middle-aged woman whose emotional maturity, and sometimes her wardrobe but certainly not her face, were stuck in 9th grade. She schlepped (and slept) around her house searching for the inspiration which would finally show her what she wanted to be when she grew up. Inspiration proved fleeting and once again she resorted to rearranging the furniture (some claimed she lived on Titanic Avenue) and watching "Judge Judy" on one of the 4 TV sets in her home. Such televisions were strategically placed so that she did not have to walk more than 7 steps from anywhere in the home (7 being God's number of completion as indisputably evidenced throughout the Holy Scriptures, and therefore guaranteeing His Divine Blessing when applied to one's life) before having a clear line of sight to a screen, as, according to her very own lips, "you never know what fascinating pearls of wisdom are going to emanate from Judge Judy (or Dr. Phil), and I don't want to miss a single one!" For this very reason she has been known to have 3 or more of the TV's on at the same time: same Bat time, same Bat station---"Holy Tuna, Batman, that lady's gone w**nkers! Let's jump lithely into the Batmobile and z**m over there to rescue her from herself!!"

Unfortunately for Miss-Middle-Aged, Batman and Robin were distracted by an ACTUAL emergency(something about a poor widow or hungry orphan?) on their way to rescue her from herself , and so there she remains to this day, shopping for fabric online and watching Judge Judy ferret out the truth, with an occasional foray into the world to see what treasures (junk) she can find at Thrift Town---because her closets and garage are just not quite jammed full enough yet. As she says to all the neighborhood children, "Stuff is the stuff of life...particularly in groups of seven."

The End


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It's gonna be a big seller, I can tell...I see it as a children's book, billed as a "cautionary tale for our times." It will be slickly packaged and hip-ly designed (by Sharp Seven), heavily marketed to evangelical Christian parents, and the book will come in a set with non-action figures: a couch, 4 TV's, and a lumpy wrinkled lethargic 40-something woman wearing Doc Marten's. Sales will be ginormous, profits even ginormous-er! Pre-order yours today!!---tell your Pastor, your Youth Pastor, your Children's Pastor, your Worship Pastor, your Administrative Pastor, your Small Group Pastor, your Potluck Pastor, your Coffee Pastor, your Janitorial Pastor-----tell them all, every one, especially if you can do it in groups of seven!